– [Voicover] From Seminole Hard Rock in Hollywood, Florida, this is Poker Night in America. (upbeat jazzy music plays) – Welcome to Poker Night in America, where we continue Day One at Seminole Hard Rock in Hollywood, Florida. I’m Chris Hanson, he’s Joe Stapleton. – Coming up on today’s show, Jennifer Tilly starts off stuck big time and Phil Hellmuth raps. No, not a present, that kind of rapping.

Please don’t tune out. – [Hanson] We continue Day One. We lost a player, that means we’re gaining a player.

We say goodbye to Matt Glantz and hello, Dan O’Brien. – [Stapleton] I’d keep an eye on the short, little stack of Phil Hellmuth. Chances are he’s going to be all in sooner rather than later. – [O’Brien] That’d be great if we could do one of those like being John Malkovich but for Phil Hellmuth.

And then I could like dive through this wormhole into your head. (chuckles) – That’s a scary place. It’s a very scary place. – [Sigel] You’d better be high and drunk if you’re getting in there. (laughs) – [Hellmuth] To see the things I see would scare you, actually.

You’d be like, oh my god, he’s weak. Oh my god, he’s strong. Oh my god, he’s weak. You’d start winning all of these tournaments and be like, oh my god, being in Phil’s head is awesome!

No wonder he wins so much. – [Stapleton] Oh, and Phil said he’s winning in this game. I get it now. – [Hellmuth] Cat got your tongue, kid? – No in, Sorel, it seemed like, you had the seven of diamonds, what was that hand?

– [Mizzi] Mmhmm, which, oh yeah, when I showed Phil. – [Hanson] This is Jennifer Tilly. Oscar-nominated actress, Jennifer Tilly. – [Hellmuth] You guys don’t understand, though. – I know, it’s the long con.

– [Stapleton] Just aces. – [Mizzi] That long con’s been going on for a long time, Phil. – [Hellmuth ] What do you mean, you bluffed off a million.

– Bluffed off, you’re so focused on that! What about, I think I’m doing okay against you, Phil. – A million? – I think I’m doing okay against you overall. – (rapping) Lot’s of speculation on the money’s I’ve made, Honey’s I’ve slayed. Don’t mess with me.

– You can sing it all you want, that doesn’t make it any truer. That’s just not what happened. – [Hanson & Stapleton] (laughing) – I think, uh, I don’t know about a million, but I’ve definitely bluffed off. – [Hellmuth] You’ve bluffed off a lot! – [Mizzi] Yeah. – [Stapleton] Their tournament chips, it doesn’t matter if it’s a million.

– You messed with me that day, you messed with me that day, I let you win, I let you win, and then, boom, I shut the trap for a minute. – You got me in a hand, you got me in a hand. – Yum, yum. Oh, you hadthe chip lead.

There were three hands left in the day, 111K buy-in, all you had to do was sit back and play good, but no, you couldn’t do it. – [Mizzi] No, I couldn’t do it, man. – No, no, no, I can’t do it, I’m just gonna try to bluff a milly to Phil with three hands to go. The one guy I know who just like— – Never folds. – Will man up and call. – [Stapleton] Sam was getting a great price pre-flop, she called.

An action-flop, jeez! – [Hanson] Holy cow. – He managed not to cash, he blames it all on— – [Mizzi] You were at the table when I busted, Phil. You don’t remember what happened?

– [Hellmuth] I remember what happened. – [Mizzi] Am I supposed to play that one differently? – [Hellmuth] That hand you were supposed to lose. – [Mizzi] I was supposed to lose because I was against Coleman? – [Phil] What about, the previous hour or two?

– [Mizzi] I played well. – [Stapleton] Is it on me? C’mon, that’s the oldest tell in the book! – [Helllmuth] I don’t understand is when there’s like a when there’s like a 500 thousand dollar bubble.

I don’t understand why people don’t play better. – [Hanson] Tilly bets 15 hundred. – Get the 500K, kid. And then start gambling, you know?

But no, you want to like, try to win the tournament. – [Mizzi] So I should have just, uh, folded the queens on the button? – [Stapleton] Sam with a pair and a very good flush-draw. Not the best flush-draw, though.

Jared’s got that, and he’s not folding. – [Mizzi] That hand and that hand only. – [Hellmuth] If there were hole-card camera, like, if I were in your mind, I would be like, fold! I’d be shouting fold, fold, fold! What are you doing bluffing off your money? – [Stapleton] Jared might even be thinking about raising with the nut-flush draw.

– [Mizzi] Sometimes I just can’t help myself. – [Hellmuth] It’s a quarter-million dollar bubble, what are you bluffing off your money for? – [Tarzia] You’re relentless, aye? You’re like a migraine. – [Hellmuth] Hey, he, when they start it, I’ve, I’m a pretty good track record of finishing it, I’ll tell you that much. – And if you don’t, you just kick a chair.

– [Sigel] Meanwhile, they tell me his mic’s not even on. (laughs) – [Stapleton] Four on the turn was not the card Jaffee was looking to hit. – Yeah, they laughed at me, the guy. – Oh, they laughed? – [Sigel] They laughed at me, yeah. – [Stapleton] Ops for the free card, cool.

– [Hellmuth] How’d you know you had any idea what the truth was? – [Sigel] Alright. – [Hellmuth] It’s funny though, that they would laugh it off.

– [Stapleton] Jennifer should not be giving a free card in this board. Any of these players could conceivably raise, Sam maybe no. – I’ll never forget, one of my first, actually, my first tournament in the U.S., we played together, and there was that hand where you raised with just looking at one card, and it was the ace. And I led the, I led from the small blind. I had the nines, remember?

And you wrote a blog about it? You didn’t even know my name back then and you were like this online kid, you wrote a blog about one of these online megalomaniacs. And uh, I was that guy. It was nice, it was one of the most flattering things anyone’s ever said to me. About me. – There was another one you played really well, it came ace, ace, nine, and I had an ace and you had nines full. I was one of the best slots players. My favourite is https://roligacasinon.se/slots/esqueleto-explosivo .  You will never replay me.

– No, the ace came on the turn, the ace came on the turn. – [Hellmuth] You played those hands really good against me. – I did. – [Hellmuth] Just like the other one you were bragging about, it came king, king. I had a king, you had a king, you played that one great, too. – That was beautiful.

– You really played those hands well. – I got them all in. – [Sigel] You got some memory, though, of all the hands you’ve played.

– [Hellmuth] Oh, I remember that hand. I remember the ace one. – [Mizzi] You remember that one?

The ace was on the turn. – [Hellmuth] Did I come back and win that tournament anyway? – [Mizzi] No, that was the one Carlos won.

– [Stapleton] This pot is getting huge. – [Hanson] And Jennifer Tilly’s gotta be thinking, okay, what do I have to do on the river to get anybody away from this hand? She will be last act, playing from the button.

So let’s see what happens here. – [Mizzi] What’s going on here? – [Hanson] Pretty good card for Jennifer. If there were some draws out there, they all missed. – [Stapleton] Yeah, somehow she faded it all. And I actually think this might check around.

Obviously, Jared’s just got a pair of fours and I don’t think Jen can really value bet. There aren’t a lot of worse hands that can call. Jaffee probably knows his pair of fours are no good at showdown, so maybe he tries to bluff this.

No, he checks it. – Three aces, that’s the – Wow, you checked three aces. – [Stapleton] Jennifer, more like Bride of Checky. – I hated that flop. And then I get two callers on a flop and the turn.

– [Hanson] She’ll take the 19K instead of the value bet on the river. – I feared a trap, that’s all. – So once again, Phil Hellmuth says screw you guys, I’m going home.

– But after the break, don’t worry, we’re going to fill his seat with a delicious dish of Alec Tilt Torelli. – Yum. – [Voiceover] For more from Poker Night, visit pokernight.com or find us on Twitch, Facebook, Twitter, or Youtube, where you can see complete episodes and unedited livestreams. (upbeat jazzy music) – Cheers, we’ll drink to that, cheers!

– [Hanson] Welcome back to Poker Night in America. – [Stapleton] Everybody’s drinking! – [Hanson] Beverages for everyone.

– Look at him! – I drank it. – They gave you the drink, that ones for you. – They’re like, they’re like, give the little one the big, the big glass.

– To you guys! – And, you know, they say a small-framed woman, like one drink is like two drinks. – Oh my god, she drank it all anyway, that was impressive. – Mine’s a salt-lick, look at that, it’s a salt-lick. – That was you Patron Silver you drank? – I don’t know, but I kind of liked it.

(laughs) – [Sigel] One more. – Oh, I like it! (crosstalk) – [Jaffee] I need more.

– Sam, uh, I don’t know, but, Ryan, another? – [Stapleton] Dan O’Brien must have fallen asleep in a beach chair. – [Tilly] Lots of salt here, lots, lots. – [Hanson] Siegel limps in with four deuce of hearts. – [O’Brien] (laughs) Extra beefy!

– [Dealer] Raise! – [Hanson] Ooh! – [Stapleton] Yeah, we got some more cold deck that’s shaping up.

– [Tilly] I think they ran out. This is a lot harsher than the one we had before. I don’t think this is, umm. – [Dealer] Raise!

– [Hanson] Abernathy makes it 11 hundred with Jacks. – It’s bott, it’s bottom-shelve alcohol, they’re like – It doesn’t taste like Patron, aye? – Those poker players are drunk, they’ll never know. – [Stapleton] No, that’s good Tequila.

You can tell because when the bartender dropped the bottle, it bounced off the floor. – Like Matt Glantz, it’s burning me, it’s burning my mouth. – [Stapleton] Wow, these two were involved in a cold-decking last time, kings versus aces, and last time it was Ben who had the better hand then. (laughing) – [Stapleton] I don’t think you have to go broke in this spot, pre-flop, at least, but there’s certainly no shame in just taking the thinking out of it.

– [Hanson] Abernathy calls. – Ladies and gentlemen, there will be blood. – [Stapleton] I drink your milkshake! – Little blood’s scary. – [Mizzi] A little blood never hurt nobody. – [Stapleton] Nobody except the person it’s coming out of.

– [Mizzi] Well, that’s not entirely true, but, – [Hanson] Eight-high flop, both these players love their hands right now. – [Stapleton] Yeah, it’s a really awful flop for Sam, I do not see how she can fold. Kind of a dream flop for Jacks, really.

Here comes the bet from Ben. – [O’Brien] Oh, look who’s joining. – Tilt Torelli is in the house! – It’s Tilt Torelli! – Wow, I gave Alec a lifetime free roll that if I ever open up an Italian restaurant, I’m going to name a dish Tilt Torelli.

Sure, and, I mean it’s one and 800 at this point. – Tilt Torelli Ravioli! – You know, no, just Tilt Torelli. – [Stapleton] Tilt Torelli, how about some Torte-tilly-llini? – Sorry, I have a personal rule, I’m not playing with anyone with a whole food bag at the table, that’s scary.

– [Stapleton] Still an under-card for Jacks, the Poker Gods really want Sam to get stacked here. – That’s true, mine’s a little bit more, – [O’Brien] You need somewhere with like a McDonalds, uh (laughs) A McFlurry cup. – [Mizzi] Arby’s. – [Tilly] What are you talking about? – [Hanson] And they’re all in for Tarzia. – [Stapleton] Sam’s getting better than two-to-one.

– [Hanson] A call from Abernathy, you can’t blame her. – [Stapleton] Just another simple cold deck. – [Tilly] Ugh. – [Hanson] Yikes.

– [Stapleton] So that’s twice now that Ben has stacked Sam, really nothing she could do there, I mean, except for fold Jacks like a terrible nitty-nitty-nit-nit. – [Hanson] And Ben Tarzia making the best of his spot here on Poker Night in America. Phil Hellmuth gone, Alec Torelli, much like Tollbooth Willie. He’s coming out of the booth! He was doing commentary for the livestream, now that’s a bit of an unfair advantage, don’t you think, Stapes?

To now come and sit down and play with these players? – [Stapleton] I mean it’s an unfair advantage that he’s so much better than everyone else, too, so, – [Hanson] Well that’s true. (crosstalk) – [Hanson] Sixes for Tilly. – It’s just not in my, I just don’t play it, so I can’t win that bet.

– [Hanson] I love watching Mike Siegel play cards, it’s like every single hand he has just tortures his soul. Every single one of them, it’s fantastic. I mean probably not for him or his blood pressure, but for us it’s good to watch. – [Stapleton] We like the pain. – [Tilly] Play with me.

What’s that Howard Stern song? That Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes? – [Stapleton] Jen Tilly, like me, is a Howard Stern superfan. – [Voiceover] Hello, hello. – I check! – I’m gonna need to hear the rest of the song.

– [Tilly] What? – [O’Brien] I’m gonna need to hear the rest of the song. – [Hanson] Flush draw for Tarzia, Abernathy with top pair, pretty good kicker, too. – [Stapleton] That old face-off. – [Tilly] Dan, it’s a song he wrote, he was like ten years old or something. And then, umm, Jewel actually sang a beautiful rendition of it, it’s like a great song.

– [Hanson] The torture continues for Mike Siegel. – No, I just think it’s, wondering if it’s better to check. – [Stapleton] Oh man, flush on the turn.

Ben Tarzia is owning Sam Abernathy like my brother gets owned by his wife. Sorry, John. I mean, I guess Sam’s not drawing dead, any heart can still hit. There’s a bet from Tarzia, 1,125.

– [Tilly] They just got back from, I got a text from Phil, he just got back from surfing. – [Sigel] He kept saying that, yeah. – [Stapleton] Top pair and a great flush-draw, don’t see how she can fold. Why is Alec Torelli drinking fabric softener? – [Hanson] I thought that was a lava lamp. – [Stapleton] Definitely not real liquid.

– [Tilly] Oh, oh, my back. – [Hanson] Brick for Abernathy. – [Stapleton] Oh, Sam, Ben’s gotta value bet this. – [Hanson] Tarzia’s hoping to take Abernathy to value town, and he does exactly that.

– [Stapleton] Sam’s giving so much of her money to Ben Tarzia, his kids are going to have to thank her in their college commencement speeches. – Disappears for an hours, we don’t know where he goes. Where is he? Does he go and talk to an astronomer?

Does he go for a drive? Does he get a haircut, does he go for a run? Does he go to his room and take a nap, what is he doing? – [Hanson] Thanks for coming back to Poker Night in America. He’s not wearing pants, he’s Joe Stapleton.

I’m Chris Hanson. Back to poke. – [Jaffee] Alright, you want to do it for a quarter? – [Stapleton] They restrict my commentary, the straddle is on, this is a blind raise, ladies and gentlemen! – [Sigel] You got 30 cents to work.

– It’s okay. I’m always getting the worst of it, that’s why I’m broke. – Some people don’t have close families. – [Hanson] Dan O’Brien makes it 500. And Siegel probably makes it 2000. – Where’s your family from originally?

– Umm, do you speak it at all? – Si, my wife’s Italian. – (speaking in Italian) – [Stapleton] Uh.

– [Hanson] What was that? – [Stapleton] I think it was Italian, you know, I thought, uh, Ben Tarzia was scary before, but now that I know he speaks Italian, I’m wondering if we can go back and edit out that part where I said all of his hair is on the wrong half of his head? Is it too late for that? – (speaking in Italian) – [Hanson] Uh, English only at the table, guys.

They’re probably talking about you, Stapes. – [Stapleton] I feel like we’re watching a scene from Godfather Two. – (speaking in Italian) – (replying in Italian) – (speaking in Italian) – [Hanson] I am kilted right now, I don’t even know what’s going on, Mizzi has kings. He called the raise, and now O’Brien gets out of the way. And back to torturing Mike Siegel.

– I have 350 cousins in Italy. – [Hanson] As he is crushed going to the flop. That helps! – Oh, but I forgot all about him. – I pay my debts.

– (speaking in Italian) – I bet exactly half of what I got. – [Stapleton] At least Siegel can’t do too much damage, doesn’t have much behind. – (speaking in Italian) – I gotta set of tens.

– That’s good for now. – [Hanson] Mizzi moves all in, Siegel calls. – So you’re not gonna show me the hand? – I’ll show you.

– Nice hand to come back to. Put an eight out there. Eight for justice. – How about a king?

Why would you root for an eight, how about a king? You win the pot with a king, you gotta split it with me? You feel bad for me? – Uh, why not, you seem like a nice guy. – That’s, that’s a nice guy. (crosstalk) (crosstalk) – [Jaffee] I’m basically, I’m basically going to do everything.

– [Sigel] Yeah, well you would have had 30 cents. I was going to give you an opportunity. You deserve it.

To go for like a week or two. – [Torelli] Yeah, I went to Southeast Asia, or whatever. Like I’m not going to pay, that was the only time where it like didn’t default, fall into that. – [Tilly] Oh, so it’s 400 dollars, 400. – [Hanson] So it is folded around to Tilly, so that blind raise is in play for 400.

– I don’t know what you’re going to do, Jen, but I know you’re not going to fold. – What about you, you been outside? Sounds like you know about it? – No, I, I have friends from high school, I live in Seattle. – [Tilly] Oh, I was going to get all feisty.

– [Stapleton] Dan O’Brien taking a shot that king, queen is better than any random blind raising hand, but it is not. – Yeah, yeah, maybe. I possibly have a better hand than you, I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna, I’ll say no more. – [O’Brien] Anything’s possible. – [Affleck] Four of them, umm, they’re all very successful, too. – [Torelli] Wow, that’s crazy.

– [Affleck] Yeah, like probably four of them live down like Golf Course, Australia for like two years, after Black Friday, umm, they lived in Thailand in Phuket. – [Torelli] Yeah I lived there too, it’s amazing. – [Affleck] Four of them rented a place in Phuket for like three years. – [Hanson] 1300 from Tilly. – [Tarzia] It’s crazy from just one graduating class. – [Stapleton] With the best hand.

– [Tarzia] I have a good friend of mine that spends six months of the year in Phuket. He goes to Phuket, Cambodia, Thailand. – [Stapleton] I’m glad that they’re pronouncing it Phuket, so we don’t have to bleep it.

– [Tarzia] He rents this house on the water, unbelievable. – [Hanson] O’Brien calls. – [Tarzia] 700 bucks a month, they live like kings. (crosstalk) – [Jaffee] What’d you say? – I said the hour we earn is not that good today. – [Stapleton] Yeah, it looks like Jen may just want to get to showdown now, unless she makes her straight.

– Could be worse, it was worse before, right? – Yeah, I was stuck, I was never very, I really don’t know, (bleeps) I played so many bad hands just now. – Your last hour was a good hour. – Yeah, I was just limping and limping with a lot of bad hands just to try to get – [Stapleton] Dan O’Brien trying to swipe this pot. – Ugh, I really hate to get more sucky into the night, but I’m pretty sure I have the best hand.

– Best of luck! – Hey! – [Stapleton] Jen does have the best hand, but not only does she have to think about calling here, but the river, too. – If I don’t have the best hand, outs up the wazoo.

– What could you have that could be the best and outs? – Is this the end of the night? Is this the last hand? – No.

– [Stapleton] Dan’s going to fire the river a lot, especially, I think, when Jen shows this much weakness. – I wish I was in position. God, I just know, I just know.

– She knows. – I just know I’m going to suck out on you. (laughs) – And I don’t think suckage is necessary.

I’m pretty sure I already had the best hand, I should have re-raised you pre-flop. -[Sigel] And you want to suck out, that’s hard to do. – [Stapleton] For once, I agree with Mike Siegel. – Does that scare you? – I’m a little bit more confused than scared.

I don’t see what could be that good and have outs. – And have the best hand. – That’s what, – She didn’t have to suck out either, she said. – 26, you say?

– 26. – Then I know on the river, regardless, everything’s going to go in, so, how much will you have left, like 3000? – I have like 4000, I think about, I’ll have about 4000 more after. – When he gets his change. – I have like, actually, like 42, so… 44, maybe. – [Stapleton] (laughs) Jen Tilly!

– [Hanson] Oh, I love it! – [Stapleton] I’m surprised that worked after all of the deliberating, but hey, what do I know? I eat the heads off fish! You know, she did have the best hand, though. To be fair. – Well, Jennifer Tilly managed to pull her stack out of the toilet, now if only she could do the same thing with the Rotten Tomatoes score for “Johnny Be Good.”

– Alright, we’re going to check out trip counts next. – [Voiceover] Close captioning is brought to you as a public service by Poker Night in America. – Welcome back to Poker Night in America, here’s who’s up and down for the night. Just to review, you do want a green little arrow next to your name, even if you’re Mike Siegel and you’re up a measly hundred bucks, it’s still a win. – [Stapleton] I’m sure he’ll take it. Sorel won 16K, he barely played a hand, guy is slick.

So this by definition would be the arrow you don’t want next to your name. – [Hanson] Red is bad and Phil Hellmuth finished short time at our table, dropped 15K. Probably hurts, I bet. – [Stapleton] Uhh, I don’t know, I’m not really sure he feels that dialed into reality. – Well congrats to Tilly for climbing a little bit out of the huge hole that she was in, but aww, poor Phil Hellmuth.

Number One comes in last. – Next time we’ve got a fresh new lineup for you, my babies one, that includes a Loch, a Locky, two November Niners, a grill, and a guy named Bone. – No, it’s Bohn, his name is Bohn. – Well I’m so excited for next week I’ve got a giant Bohn-er. – You are something else, my friend.

More from Poker Night is available online at pokernight.com, or you can find us on Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and Twitch for up-to-date information, full episodes, and unedited live-streams. For Joe Stapleton, I’m Chris Hanson. We’ll see you next time, right here, on Poker Night in America. – You’d be like, oh my god, he’s weak.

Oh my god, he’s strong. Oh my god, he’s weak, you’d start winning all of these tournaments, and be like, oh my god, being in Phil’s head is awesome! No wonder he wins so much!